Generally Useful

[kissa_bites]

 

A "Generally Useful" is an old performance (theater and circus) term used to describe someone who does/can do just about everything on the back end of the performance, from running errands to pitching in with hanging lights. This person has the gratitude of everyone in the business but specializes in nothing. The job is not person specific - in fact, anyone could be a Generally Useful. It's a job, not a person. The person, while they may have a wonderful personality, is not important. The usefulness is.

It’s so interesting to me how some people come into my life and become “friends” for a day or a season or some such and then slip away. I look back on many those people and those friendships and find a common pattern – I was useful.

Something about me, be it the earth mother general guidance, power or entertainment with the site or my writing, the willingness to be an audience to someone pretty (or even be the ugly girl in a pair of girls) or even my art and my desire to help other be creative and prosperous in their creativity – was useful. Then, when my usefulness runs out, so do those people.

People I talked to daily – no mas. Why? The entertainment or the usefulness is gone.

I’m told it’s a common pattern in co-dependency – the need of a friend and the habit of being useful then finding people in need of a useful person in the subconscious hope of becoming friends. Once the other person no longer “needs” for any reason (or I declare somehow declare my usefulness to be at an end, ie. “I don’t know how to do that, be that or provide that”), they split. The co-dependent person then wonders what the hell happened to the friendship and wanders off in the hope of finding another… thus it begins again.

It’s a tough way to weed out users, unfortunately, by being used, but it’s a habit – even a personality trait, that begs to be used, in the hope that one will be loved. I take it personally when it happens. It hurts. I wonder “what did I/could I/should I” and become less of a person with each user.

Well, hell, that’s not okay! The question becomes “how to stop it”. Hell if I know. Recognizing the users sooner? Dealing with why I need to be useful instead of just being? Recognizing when I’m feeling needy and stopping the pattern of FIND?

Not sure yet but working on it.