kissa_bites | Entries tagged with lit

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People are so interesting. Recently, I've found so many people who seem to be convinced of their own self-importance. I've noticed it particularly with young men, but also with young women in their late teens/early twenties. Grandiose announcements are made, huge plans for opportunities of self-aggrandizement are formed. Commands are issued in the forms of READ ME NOW or MESSAGE ME OR ELSE!!!!111!!!1.

Well, we've already read what I think of, "Tell me or I'm gonna delete you" in a previous blog. As for "Read Me! Important!" unless you are dying, are needing to do a survey for school that's due tomorrow or have a serious social or institutional rule that you're enacting, I do NOT have to read it. I do not care if you are offline, online, have dyed your hair pink or if you're trimming your toenails tomorrow at 10 am sharp. Trust me. I do not give a rat's ass.

I might be more inclined to care if you pm'd me with "hey, just a little, teeny FYI, just in case you need something from little me, but you might not, but just in case, hey..."

Sometimes the arrogance is subtle. It comes in the form of refusing to follow instructions, refusing help or even constructive criticism. What on EARTH makes you think that you are God's gift to anything, much less what you are being given instructions on? What on Earth would give you the impression that you don't need the help? If it's being offered, you likely do need it. Accept it with grace. Be glad someone is offering their time to help you so you don't continue to look like a fuckwad.

e·go·cen·tric (

-s

adj.

1. Holding the view that the ego is the center, object, and norm of all experience.

a. Confined in attitude or interest to one's own needs or affairs.

b. Caring only about oneself; selfish.

3. Philosophy

a. Viewed or perceived from one's own mind as a center.

b. Taking one's own self as the starting point in a philosophical system.

Please do not be surprised if I do not respond to your pronouncement or edict. I do not have the life energy to respond to other people's need for ego stroking - especially when it hasn't been deserved. As we've seen, I have enough things on my plate.

Just because your mommy treats you like the center of her universe, please do not assume that I'm going to. The center of my universe is me.

Aaaaand, we're back! With many thanks to Greg, Mark and Brian over at Nexcess Hosting and Chris, my amazing webmaster who is just made of awesome, we're back with only three days lost (that we've fought for and mostly retrieved). The final loss tally that we had was dropping ten of our brand new members, unfortunately. I do hope that they reregister with us! Please feel free to register and upload to your heart's content. This new host has been stable for years and I actually visit several sites that they host on a daily basis and they never, ever have downtime. The only reason I didn't go with them a couple of years ago was a price difference, which the stability of their servers and amazing technical support totally makes up for. Thank you all so much for your patience and for rejoining us. Keep an eye out for new games and topic chats in the Ballroom and new stories, pictures and poetry soon!

Last night I was really upset - for the why, see the above conversation that I had with an off duty CM in Lit, but now I'm just amused. It was agreed on several fronts that someone has an agenda. I mean COME ON, lmaooo. TM is so huge and stealing all of Lit's chatters that it's a threat? I've had that link in my profile for literally years and not a single person has said anything. Hell, I've had their CM's come to chat and visit. Is wee little TM such a threat? lololol. I think it's so darned interesting that so many chatters have links to non-personal pictures/blogs and yet mine is hit? Interesting. Just interesting. Also, I wasn't kicked or banned at the time, when I refused, but (and I didn't cap it since she leftin a big hurry) she did leave lit with a threat that I WOULD be banned if I didn't comply.

Maybe I should just link directly to my profile on the site - that would be a "personal picture" wouldn't it?

So silly.

A "Generally Useful" is an old performance (theater and circus) term used to describe someone who does/can do just about everything on the back end of the performance, from running errands to pitching in with hanging lights. This person has the gratitude of everyone in the business but specializes in nothing. The job is not person specific - in fact, anyone could be a Generally Useful. It's a job, not a person. The person, while they may have a wonderful personality, is not important. The usefulness is.

It’s so interesting to me how some people come into my life and become “friends” for a day or a season or some such and then slip away. I look back on many those people and those friendships and find a common pattern – I was useful.

Something about me, be it the earth mother general guidance, power or entertainment with the site or my writing, the willingness to be an audience to someone pretty (or even be the ugly girl in a pair of girls) or even my art and my desire to help other be creative and prosperous in their creativity – was useful. Then, when my usefulness runs out, so do those people.

People I talked to daily – no mas. Why? The entertainment or the usefulness is gone.

I’m told it’s a common pattern in co-dependency – the need of a friend and the habit of being useful then finding people in need of a useful person in the subconscious hope of becoming friends. Once the other person no longer “needs” for any reason (or I declare somehow declare my usefulness to be at an end, ie. “I don’t know how to do that, be that or provide that”), they split. The co-dependent person then wonders what the hell happened to the friendship and wanders off in the hope of finding another… thus it begins again.

It’s a tough way to weed out users, unfortunately, by being used, but it’s a habit – even a personality trait, that begs to be used, in the hope that one will be loved. I take it personally when it happens. It hurts. I wonder “what did I/could I/should I” and become less of a person with each user.

Well, hell, that’s not okay! The question becomes “how to stop it”. Hell if I know. Recognizing the users sooner? Dealing with why I need to be useful instead of just being? Recognizing when I’m feeling needy and stopping the pattern of FIND?

Not sure yet but working on it.

“tell me or I’m deleting you.”

I’ve gotten, seen and been witness to many of these notes on 360 and IM recently. I ignore them simply because I think they are rather arrogant.

Here’s my take on it – I’m happy to read about your life and chat with you when you want it. I’m not going to force myself on you, nor do I consider reading about your life and thoughts or chatting in IM to be forcing yourself on me. I don’t need to read about your life if you don’t want me to, nor do I need you to read about mine (I actually rather prefer having a very small list of people who know my inner thoughts.) If you don’t want me to read your thoughts, I won’t. It’s easy – a click. If you do, don’t delete me. Also easy – not a click. Your “cleaning” really has nothing to do with me. It has to do with you. If, because I don’t respond to you, you delete me from your stuff – well, okay. That certainly tells me about my value to you. I’m okay with that.

I don’t approach many to chat in IM or PM. I’m of the thought that everyone is busy and they’ll say hi when they want to. I'm not about to stalk someone. If you want to talk to me, I’m here and I’ll be thrilled to chat. The fact that you are on my IM list means that somehow, sometime, you wanted to be. So be it. If you want to delete me, okay. I don’t care – really, nor do you need to tell me. It’s likely we weren’t talking all that much anyway – if ever. I’m probably pretty good with that, too. (I rather feel the same about the whole being invisible on IM thing – I take that as a hint about you not wanting to talk to me.)

I don’t feel that I should have to announce my intention to be your friend to actually be one. So, if I’m on your 360 or in your IM, you can pretty well figure that I want to be – if I’m not there… well, you can take that as a hint if you need to, too. Please, though, don’t ask me to chime in that I want to be somewhere – you may not like the answer if I’m in a particular mood.

When TM chat is dying and I go in to other chats to see half or all of our regs – even the founding ones, the ones who swore up and down that they would always be there, somewhere else, all I want to do is just close up shop. I’m SO tired of fighting for people and having to cancel games and topics because no one bothers to show. I totally get the people have found other things to do on and offline and this thing that was created for them becomes non-important, but God DAMNIT, why the fuck am I bothering? Why is it my job to entertain people. I wasnt supposed to have to. It was supposed to be hands off for me - yet, oddly enough... We are going the way of the Hot Bed and there’s not a thing I can do about it.

I need a fucking vacation. </ rant

Entry for March 04, 2007
I'm rarely one to beat a dead horse or to even shoot the horse just so people will gasp and cry, "Oh, my God, you shot a horse!" Shooting horses irritates me to no end. I will always try to stay away from horses, blood or even the stench of rotting flesh. I live my life in a way to avoid them completely. Now, though, I'm annoyed that I'm even involved with bullets and fur at all.

I hate that I even have to think about it but I'm a daughter, mother, lover, sister, dominant, submissive, friend, advisor, enemy and even a non-entity to other people. I've always been okay with my place in life as it relates to other people. But once in awhile, my place changes by letter, law, whim or a direct conflict with a fundamental belief I hold.

I'm an adult webmistress. If I willingly let a minor onto my site, into my chat, or to send material to be viewed by the public, I could go to jail. Not Camp Cupcake jail. Jail jail. I could be sued, as has happened many times before, by the parents of said minor for everything I own - house, car, bank account and all future earnings from my art and my day job - is that fair to ask of any webmaster?

More than that, I don't let minors on my site because I'm a parent. I have only to think of my own daughter when I deal with minors on my site. Would I want my daughter to see or read pictures or stories with graphic sex before she's 18? I don't want her seeing it until she's 30! Okay, perhaps not thirty, but not until she's legal. I have to ask if another parent will have feelings similar to mine when I'm confronted with someone else's child.

Perhaps it is that interesting concept of "social responsibility", maybe it's being my brother's keeper, but if I claim a brother with affection and caring, I also assume responsibility for him, his happiness and to a certain extent, his future, as much as I can control it. If I didn't care about my brother - the person, the human being - I wouldn't do anything.