kissa_bites | Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady (Reply)

I am SO tired of hearing people sing that to me. Alas, I am married and back home – finally.

I arrived at my parent’s house with child and bird on Monday, Aug 7. Even getting there was an adventure. I’d sent 5 small boxes of “stuff” down the week before so didn’t have to carry it all, thank goodness. With one duffle, one suitcase and a garment bag worth about $3,000, a laptop bag, bird carrier and a bright pink backpack, we set off at 4:30 in the morning. The plane trip was very … plane-y and seemed to take three hours rather than 1.5, though I received more than my fair share of looks and comments through the airport and flight due to having Julius with me in a small, transparent Lexan carrier. This was the mantra, repeated to everyone from the cab driver to the pilot, flight attendants and Jane and John Traveler.

No, he’s not a parakeet. He’s a Celestial Parrotlet. Yes, he’s very cute. Thank you. Yes, he likes it in there. Thank you. No, he’s not a parakeet. Yes, he is adorable. Yes, that little peep is as loud as he really ever gets. Thank you. Yes, it is flying but no he can’t fly as his wings are clipped– you’re very clever. Thank you. Yes, he did just fine. He seemed to enjoy it. Yes, he can go on the plane. Thank you. Yes, it’s a very clever carrier. Studies have shown that parrots that can see their owners are calmer when traveling. It was cheaper to bring him than to board him. Really. Thank you. $75. No, he’s not a parakeet. Thank you.

Once in California, we got right to work, with little or no time to get my head screwed on straight. First off, we went to the church so I could actually see the labyrinth. Not so good. It was completely overgrown, the grass was brown and covered in spider webs – it needed about 5 hours with 3 gardeners wielding clippers and rakes to make it even pretty. I was tired and I din’t have 3 hours, much less 5 to make it pretty. However, there was a lovely enclosed garden called “Saint Claire’s Chapel” about 10 feet away which was green, flowered, had an actual walkway down the center and wouldn’t get me struck down by lightening. It did have a … pergola type thing, under which was a stone alter, some ratty hand-painted tables and pile of what could only be called rubble behind it (we were told that it used to be a wall but fell down and went boom.) The priest wasn’t around to discuss it so we went home and planned what to do with the space, if we were allowed to use it, made favors (wildflower seeds in cute little tins), unwrapped all of the boxes I’d sent down and started making my guestbook. We decided that the original plan of having the first bit of the Harry Potter prologue would sound funny in the garden, too - the canned music would get lost in all of the bird chirping. I was a bit disappointed but just rolled with it. I did the whole “clean face and exfoliate” thing before I went to bed around 2 am because I just couldn’t sleep. Of course, when getting ready for bed, I discovered that the strain of carrying all of the bags had created a strawberry mark on my shoulder – panic ensued at 1 am but was soothed by a hot compress for a few days.

Tuesday, talked to the priest, who was SO great – funny, intelligent, and most of all, NICE, even though she’s going through a rough patch – her daughter with cancer in surgery two days before the wedding and her own personal drama which “was not to be discussed because no one else knows” but wasn’t too hard to guess. We went over the readings (she cried when reviewing the excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit) and discussed bachelor parties – of which there were none – and what all we were supposed to be doing with this whole thing. Went to the craft store to by bouquet holders so I could do the flowers. The floral designer there was a moron. Most of the holders were for silk flowers, though she tried to tell me that they would work just fine for fresh. Yeah, right, if I wanted them to DIE within an hour from not having any water. Once she finished her blank looks and insisting that the floral foam was correct, I smiled and dismissed her. Freaking idiot. I found a small basket of the correct holders, thank goodness and bought a vase for flowers. Discovered that the special jasmine plant that I’d bought and sent to mom to plant and bear flowers for my bouquet never got planted and was half dead. No crying, no yelling, just gentle words of explanation. I really love sampaguita (the national flower of the Philippines) and was looking forward to holding some because they are so fragrent and pretty - hopefully the plant will now get planted sometime and not die. I started making my garter. That night, I ended up staying up until 1 am writing a script for the whole ceremony and freaking out to make sure it was right. By then, I had my inner Bridezilla flying her flag. I was, as the polite term says, “delicate”.

Wednesday, was spent cleaning. Wednesday morning, my face, hair and nails were fine for the wedding – by Wednesday night, I had broken two nails, had pimples all over my face, neck and chest and my hair was limp and gross – of course, tears ensued. Wednesday sucked. Finished garter but it still didn’t look right.

Thursday 8/10, more cleaning until noon, when everyone started arriving. Dear God, they all came at once. It was wonderful to see Laurie, my matron of honor and meet her girlfriend, Jen. After that, it got weird. We’d set out a cold lunch for folks – flights were coming in between 11 and 1, so they’d all be hungry when they got to the house. However… The airport was dreadful, from what I gather. That was the day that it all hit the fan in England with liquids and gels and lines everywhere. The in-laws that drove from Oregon arrived first, after yelling directions through a bad cell connection when they got lost. They were surprisingly fast, because, as my sil said “sometimes the car went 80”. Clark arrived, finally, thank goodness – his flight was delayed and then it took three hours to get a car, so he was there mid-afternoon. His sister, however, drove the other car with two brothers, a niece, a mother and an aunt. She didn’t follow the directions that I gave her. She didn’t even look at them. Instead, she crossed the wrong bridge and ended up in San Francisco. Two hours after they should have arrived had they followed instructions, they were finally there – just in time for a late dinner. Found out that my brother Mike and his girlfriend were stuck in all of the plane and weather delays – and stuck in Knoxville, TN, of all places. After the house had cleared out, I started my veil. We got it cut out after trials and traumas and set it aside to finish on Friday. I was in bed at 1. Mike and Dana were supposed to be in at 2:30. Dad called from the airport at 2:30 am, waking me up, to say they were delayed more. Mike and Dana made it to the proper airport at 2:45. Home at 4:45 am.

Friday morning was spent fixing the garter – it needed a stripe of blue ribbon, then getting my nails done. What a waste of an hour and a half of my life – they’d been FINE, until I cleaned four bathrooms. After nails, we bought flowers at Costco and the grocery store. No orchids. Deep breathing but no tears. After that, I don’t really remember the rest of the day until the rehearsal but I’m pretty sure that my mom, daughter, brother and his gf went to the church to decorate and there was some flower arranging by Laurie and Jen while I sat blubbering my lips. The reality of me standing up in front of all of these people, wearing weird clothes and muttering strange words hadn’t really hit me until then. The priest was so great, though – she was very organized, very firm but still very nice about the whole thing. There was no fooling around and it was done quickly. Of course, I forgot it all 15 minutes later, but I’m told that I was allowed to. The dinner afterwards was lovely. I felt TERRIBLE though because my mom had asked me if my two aunts were invited. While I would have loved to have them there, the rehearsal dinner ws turning into an $800 affair and I didn’t think that my mother in law should pay for having so many people. Of course, I found out later that my mom and mil had talked about it and the aunts were invited previously but my mom asked me anyway. Of course I’m going to be the “save money” girl. If I’d known they were invited, of course they should have come. Hell, I would have loved to have them there. Needless to say, I was annoyed at my mother but have not said so yet. Went home to finish the veil – it ended up looking utterly ridiculous. Thus, no veil. It’s a good thing I wasn’t attached to the concept to begin with because it looked so dumb. I have since given it to my daughter, who can use it for dress-up. I was tucked into bed by 11, so did get a full night’s sleep.

Saturday, the day of our wedding, dawned ~~clear and bright~~ kind of hazy, actually. All I did that morning was make bouquets – which, if you’ve made them before, isn’t an “all I did”. What a complete pain in the tush! They did come out nice, though – I think. I was deeply amused when Dana, my brother’s girlfriend asked if she could help. I asked her to go outside and cut 5 branches of rosemary. She was very cute and asked what rosemary looked like. I gave a vague description (too vague) and said that there is tons of it right outside the front door. She brought back rosemary and, because she didn’t know what it looked like, five stalks of lavender, too. I could only giggle, show her which was which and give a small lecture on how both were used in traditional bouquets. Needless to say, I used both in the bouquets, since they were there. By the time I was done, Laurie and Jen had arrived. I sent Mike to the shower, then Dana, then headed in myself while they dressed. Once I was clean, Laurie and Jen came downstairs to get makeup and hair settled. I had fun doing Laurie’s makeup (the ex-MaryKay thing coming out, I guess) – I think she looked great! The weather cleared up, too.

Once dressed in proper undergarments, a pair of Clark's ratty shorts and obnoxious pink t-shirt, mom, daughter, Laurie and I settled into the limo that my dad insisted upon and headed to the church with dresses on hangers. As we drove in, I did see Clark for just a second, standing behind the church – wow, he looks great in a suit. Once there, Laurie, daughter and I settled into Mother Susan’s office to twiddle our thumbs for half an hour. Leslie was a little late – and contingency plans were made. Mike would do the reading. She did get there, just as we were starting, so it ended up just fine. I put on my garter – it was visible under the dress so took it off again. Daughter got dressed, Laurie put her gorgeous red coat on then both helped me into my dress. It’s hard to pace in a floor length dress and tiara held on with three bobby pins and a prayer. The musician was late and I had a thirty second conference with my cousin who arranged for the guy – “okay, Harry Potter is out, it sounds dreadful in the garden, just have him play something slow and pretty but not something everyone knows right off.” I have NO clue what he played or if he played but I guess he did. Finally, we got the signal and set off from the office to actually do this thing.

I’ll write the weird flashes that I can remember of the rest in a bit.